My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
