I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
