Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
