The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
