Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
