her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
