Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize