I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
