I wanna bring you to show and tell
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
