In the future we'll all be gay
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
