I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
