I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
