Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
