It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
