Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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