I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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