That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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