dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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