Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
soo... how was my night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
