i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
