We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you didnt know i had herpes?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
