I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
