Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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