I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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