About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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