I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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