So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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