it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize