are you still at the devil's house?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
