you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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