Need sex. Gaining weight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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