Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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