So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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