On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
