The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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