I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
