I skipped work to stalk him.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
