Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
