life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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