And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
