i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
