She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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