I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it glows. i had to have it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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