ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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