yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
