my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
