At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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