There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
