Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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