I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
