There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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