So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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