we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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