Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
