i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
