Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
