Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
either way he was missing a nipple.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
